Glorious Alliance of Beards and Bourgeoisie: Islam and Marxism/Leftism Share Tyranny Buffet

Behold the grand geopolitical buffet where tyranny is served three square meals a day, with extra oppression on the side. Out of roughly 50 Muslim-majority countries (give or take a disputed theocracy or two), only a precious handful pretend to be democracies—Turkey, Morocco, Indonesia, maybe throw in a Senegal or Malaysia if we’re feeling generous with the “flawed” label. And role models? Please. Turkey’s democracy is currently starring in “Erdogan’s Revenge: The Autocrat Awakens,” Morocco politely nods while the king holds the remote, and Indonesia—bless its giant heart—is busy wondering if its new guy will turn the archipelago into a personality cult with better beaches.

But fear not, comrades and caliphs! This explains the touching bromance between Islam and Marxism/Leftism. Both ideologies wake up craving the same thing: control, served raw. Marxism/Leftism dreams of the proletariat smashing the bourgeoisie, while Islam envisions the ummah crushing everything not sufficiently pious. It’s a match made in the ninth circle of authoritarian hell. Tyranny for breakfast (state ownership or Sharia courts), lunch (purges or hudud amputations), and dinner (re-education camps or mandatory prayers). Deliciously consistent.

Leftists, bless their eternally youthful souls, keep forgetting—or never learned because history class was canceled for safe spaces—that 1979 Iran was the ultimate “useful idiots” speedrun. The Marxists and liberals marched arm-in-arm with Khomeini against the Shah, chanting sweet nothings about freedom and anti-imperialism. Then the Mullahs took the wheel, and suddenly the alliance ended with firing squads and “Thanks for the revolution, now shut up forever.” The leftists weren’t invited to the afterparty; they were the appetizers.

Yet here we are again, with campus revolutionaries waving both rainbow flags and portraits of stern ayatollahs, convinced the next alliance will be different. Because this time, when the Marxists finally seize the planet (any day now, comrades), the Muslims will just... politely step aside? Subjugated quietly? Sure, and the proletariat will share power with the vanguard without a single show trial.

Good luck with that fantasy. There’s no such thing as luck—just history on repeat, cackling maniacally. Enjoy the meal, everyone. The tyranny special never runs out. And there’s no such thing as radical Islam: It’s Islam according to the Quran. Read it!